Well, today was sadly lacking in the lesbian department. However, my friend did tell me that her professor began class by saying "Go around the room, say your name, and something interesting about yourself. I'll start. I'm a lesbian. OK, go!"
Ok seriously, if I had been in that class I'd be presented with two problems. The first stems from the fact that, no matter what, when someone tells me they're a lesbian they become a little more attractive to me. (I say "no matter what" and by that I mean the girl has to be generally attractive, but that's besides the point.) I realize this is a weird thing for a straight girl to say but it's like when I find out a semi-attractive middle aged man is a teacher and suddenly he's George Clooney. The second problem I have is I'd want to be friends with her and check out the female students in class and laugh with her about it but I'm sure she'd be all "You're not a lesbian, this is not allowed" and then I'd be alone...still checking people out, but laughing to myself...like a weirdo.
But I guess it doesn't matter because she is not my teacher. I have yet to meet my weight lifting teacher (by the way why the fuck are we taking PE in college) so, yeah, fingers crossed there.
Anyhoo today was the first day of classes and because these first day sessions are a bunch of bullshit I was slowly cultivating a list of aggravating things profs do on the first day. I'm going to do this top ten style because it makes me feel like a late night host and I've always wanted my own talk show, duh.
10. Please don't assume that because it's a 100 course we are all freshman. There is this thing called a requirement that forces all students regardless of their age to participate in courses far below their competence level (and sometimes not). There is nothing I can do about it. Trust me.
9. Stop acting like your class is the most rigorous one at the university. You will not scare me into dropping the class -- and the students you're trying to "weed out" by saying stupid shit like this either aren't listening, sleeping, or not there. Save your breath.
8. When it comes to course books -- don't stop class, roll up your sleeves, and soften your voice to tell me the "secret" about you hating textbooks. Every professor says textbooks are too expensive and then promptly shows me the lovely new books I need to buy. And seriously what is with professor's hawking their own books? You wrote it, why can't you just summarize that thing for me? I'll take the money I saved and feed a country in Africa. Also, don't try to offer me solace by saying I can sell them back at the end of the semester. Do you know how much you get for a book that's over $100 dollars? About $3.50.
7. Please don't make us go around the room and introduce ourselves. Your attempt at an icebreaker is useless. Students make friends in their classes by going out, getting wasted, and screaming across the bar, "Like, OMGz, you're in my WOMEN'S STUDIES CLASS! Let's SIT TOGETHER!"
6. Do not force us to stay the entire first class period on the first day. Everyone expects to leave early, that's not too much to ask. Throw us a bone. You have our souls for 14 weeks, man.
5. Sending out an email with homework BEFORE the first class period is lame. Very lame. Most kids aren't checking their email. They're out drinking before being forced sit through the first session of your own personal form of torture.
4. Today, to get our attention, the professor starting chanting Tarheels. Just...don't do that.
3. If you don't want to have any actual contact with me, fine. But, there is no reason for you to get on your high horse and shove us towards your teaching assistants as you moonwalk out the door. It's YOUR class kimosabi.
2. What is with professors getting so angry over people tape recording their classes? Out of the 3 classes I had today "No tape recorders!" was in huge black letters on each syllabus. What exactly are they going to say that we can't put on tape? I could see if they said don't bring tape recorders to office hours or something. That would be helpful because then you'd know some freaky shit might go down there and you could stay away from that mess. i.e."..Is that a tape recorder in your pocket or..."
1. This is a serious issue I have -- if YOU as the professor are not going to show up on the first day, therefore canceling class, send out a DAMN email. It is not hard, I promise you. Today I walked around a sweaty, boiling hot gym for 45 minutes only to find out we had lecture in a different building. Again, weight lifting in college? --...and now it has lectures? What is this shit? Well, then I get to this supposed lecture sesh and no one is there. Lady, you have a class list, use your super weight lifted body and flex those finger muscles. Email me, call me, send smoke signals...I don't give a shit. Just don't make me walk my ass down there for nothing.
The sad thing is, now that I'm done with my list I actually have to do homework and I have yet to document my walk with a maybe lesbian. It included squirrels and future homes. I don't know about you, but that gets my mouth watering for a damn good story.
Peace, Love, & Bianca Ryan (may she hit puberty gracefully) -JC
Ok seriously, if I had been in that class I'd be presented with two problems. The first stems from the fact that, no matter what, when someone tells me they're a lesbian they become a little more attractive to me. (I say "no matter what" and by that I mean the girl has to be generally attractive, but that's besides the point.) I realize this is a weird thing for a straight girl to say but it's like when I find out a semi-attractive middle aged man is a teacher and suddenly he's George Clooney. The second problem I have is I'd want to be friends with her and check out the female students in class and laugh with her about it but I'm sure she'd be all "You're not a lesbian, this is not allowed" and then I'd be alone...still checking people out, but laughing to myself...like a weirdo.
But I guess it doesn't matter because she is not my teacher. I have yet to meet my weight lifting teacher (by the way why the fuck are we taking PE in college) so, yeah, fingers crossed there.
Anyhoo today was the first day of classes and because these first day sessions are a bunch of bullshit I was slowly cultivating a list of aggravating things profs do on the first day. I'm going to do this top ten style because it makes me feel like a late night host and I've always wanted my own talk show, duh.
10. Please don't assume that because it's a 100 course we are all freshman. There is this thing called a requirement that forces all students regardless of their age to participate in courses far below their competence level (and sometimes not). There is nothing I can do about it. Trust me.
9. Stop acting like your class is the most rigorous one at the university. You will not scare me into dropping the class -- and the students you're trying to "weed out" by saying stupid shit like this either aren't listening, sleeping, or not there. Save your breath.
8. When it comes to course books -- don't stop class, roll up your sleeves, and soften your voice to tell me the "secret" about you hating textbooks. Every professor says textbooks are too expensive and then promptly shows me the lovely new books I need to buy. And seriously what is with professor's hawking their own books? You wrote it, why can't you just summarize that thing for me? I'll take the money I saved and feed a country in Africa. Also, don't try to offer me solace by saying I can sell them back at the end of the semester. Do you know how much you get for a book that's over $100 dollars? About $3.50.
7. Please don't make us go around the room and introduce ourselves. Your attempt at an icebreaker is useless. Students make friends in their classes by going out, getting wasted, and screaming across the bar, "Like, OMGz, you're in my WOMEN'S STUDIES CLASS! Let's SIT TOGETHER!"
6. Do not force us to stay the entire first class period on the first day. Everyone expects to leave early, that's not too much to ask. Throw us a bone. You have our souls for 14 weeks, man.
5. Sending out an email with homework BEFORE the first class period is lame. Very lame. Most kids aren't checking their email. They're out drinking before being forced sit through the first session of your own personal form of torture.
4. Today, to get our attention, the professor starting chanting Tarheels. Just...don't do that.
3. If you don't want to have any actual contact with me, fine. But, there is no reason for you to get on your high horse and shove us towards your teaching assistants as you moonwalk out the door. It's YOUR class kimosabi.
2. What is with professors getting so angry over people tape recording their classes? Out of the 3 classes I had today "No tape recorders!" was in huge black letters on each syllabus. What exactly are they going to say that we can't put on tape? I could see if they said don't bring tape recorders to office hours or something. That would be helpful because then you'd know some freaky shit might go down there and you could stay away from that mess. i.e."..Is that a tape recorder in your pocket or..."
1. This is a serious issue I have -- if YOU as the professor are not going to show up on the first day, therefore canceling class, send out a DAMN email. It is not hard, I promise you. Today I walked around a sweaty, boiling hot gym for 45 minutes only to find out we had lecture in a different building. Again, weight lifting in college? --...and now it has lectures? What is this shit? Well, then I get to this supposed lecture sesh and no one is there. Lady, you have a class list, use your super weight lifted body and flex those finger muscles. Email me, call me, send smoke signals...I don't give a shit. Just don't make me walk my ass down there for nothing.
The sad thing is, now that I'm done with my list I actually have to do homework and I have yet to document my walk with a maybe lesbian. It included squirrels and future homes. I don't know about you, but that gets my mouth watering for a damn good story.
Peace, Love, & Bianca Ryan (may she hit puberty gracefully) -JC
1 comment:
Cute blog. Embrace the hair. ;)
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